The gifts that went wrong
Every category below has been given to a real person, in front of witnesses. They are catalogued here in a spirit of public safety.
The worst Secret Santa gifts, ranked by how fast the room goes quiet
A complete guide to destroying a gift exchange with a single parcel. Twelve ideas that have never once worked, presented with all the seriousness they deserve, which is none.
The worst gifts ever handed over at a Thanksgiving table
Eleven presents given in late November, in front of the whole family, and regretted before the plates were cleared. An annotated field guide.
The worst gifts to give your own family, a complete field guide
Eleven ideas that have caused more silence around a dinner table than any political discussion. Presented as a warning, absolutely not as a shopping list.
The worst office Secret Santa gifts, an incomplete but painful list
Twelve gifts that have been opened in front of a team and should not have been. A guide to what not to do, written with the deepest respect for everyone who has already done it.
The worst gifts to bring to a class exchange, according to every teacher alive
Eleven presents that have been unwrapped in a classroom and made a professional adult close their eyes. A guide for parents, written from behind the desk.
The worst New Year gifts, or: eleven ways to say "you should change"
January is the only month where an entire industry exists to help you tell somebody they are not good enough, gift-wrapped. A field guide to the genre, and how to escape it.
The worst birthday gifts, ranked by the length of the pause before "thank you"
Twelve presents that have been handed over on a birthday and immediately regretted. A taxonomy of failure, offered in a spirit of public safety.
The worst gifts to bring to a reunion, a survival guide
Ten presents that have turned a warm evening cold in under four seconds. Mostly nostalgia, weaponised. Read before booking the restaurant.
The worst books to give someone, an annotated bibliography of regret
Eleven books that have been handed over in a book swap and immediately shelved forever. A guide to the genre, written with love for everyone who has done it.
Gifts too bad even for a worst-gift contest
A contest where the goal is to be terrible still has a floor, and these eleven ideas go straight through it. The disqualification list, compiled from genuine incidents.